And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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