the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
