How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
