On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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