I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
