I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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