They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
