erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
