I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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