This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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