guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
