If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
