Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
