I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
