I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
