i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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