People in love make me want to vomit
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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