I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
