I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize