I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
