Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
