cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
