But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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