your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
