Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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