so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
