so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
