...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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