just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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