She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
