Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When are your genitals available?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
