we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
