I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
