Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
40s are totally the cure
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
