Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
