I met the friendliest cop last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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