The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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