You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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