don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
