its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
