They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
