Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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