There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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