you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
