Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
