I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize