I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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