How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
