Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
