If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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