Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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