i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
