A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
