After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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