just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
