I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well you can't waste a boner
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
