Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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