dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
