I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize