I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
