When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
