This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize