She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
