like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
