porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
