Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
