i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
