She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
